A family without hope

Submitted by Paula on 12/21/2016

Ironically, Pete’s obituary in the LATimes caught my eye this morning. Something about the handsome young man in the photo, the smile, the date of birth, drew my attention. Please accept the condolences of a stranger in California.

It was ironic because last night, my 23 year old tried to commit suicide for the third time in 13 months. Her diagnosis would take to long to describe but it has been the anxiety of the last month that probably prompted this latest episode of turmoil  My heart feels like it is encased in stone. Hope fled my soul last night when she accused me (as usual). I want my life to be my own again. I want to feel love for her again. I want this terrible, heart-wrenching, 24 hour a day worrying to be over. I want this feeling of doom to be over. Sometimes I just want my life to be over.

She has borderline personality disorder and I have suffered from depression. I need to be off this ride but I have no hope that it will end, except in a crash of personalities that she has made toxic.

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